Ugh… worthiness. There is soooo much that goes along with that word. A lot of weight and hurt or empowerment and success… I’ve personally discovered a lot of hurt deep down inside that I really have to work through when it comes to feeling worthy. As I’ve been working to face my issues with anxiety… I’ve discovered all these links to other issues like perfectionism and poor self esteem. They are not merely connected- they are intertwined and tangled all together. While I have been successful in learning these awesome tools in dealing with my anxiety… I realize that my self-worth is a root that knots all of my struggles together. It is hard to face those issues without facing where they stem from… but it is pretty intimidating to do so.
I’ve been told that vulnerability is a huge step in healing and moving past my struggles with self esteem and perfectionism and anxiety and ultimately my self worth. I don’t have this figured out yet… and I really like the idea of trying to white wash everything so you only see the ‘perfect parts.’ To only who you everything that I have figured out and have a handle on- but honestly, so far my fight to prove myself and make everything seem perfect has only made things feel less so.
Bonus! Just like last time – you can download this as a iPhone or Android background. I’m carrying it around now as a reminder to myself… and maybe it can help you as well. It is free- no strings attached. :)
It has been a little tiny bit more spring like here with the temperatures. Yesterday I didn’t have to wear my jacket out during my lunch break… it was pretty much wonderful and really made me crave actual spring.
So as I was perusing etsy- I kept finding all these beautiful pieces that made me think of spring… bright yellows, pastels, greenery, clouds… sigh. I can’t wait for spring.
Now- I’m not a ‘bronzer’ kind of person. It takes me forever to use up a bronzer- I basically use it like a base for my blush and then to add a tiny tiny bit of contouring to my face. I rock my pale skin (I just don’t tan friends… it just doesn’t happen) and I feel like having a ‘bronzed’ face with every other inch of skin on my body pale just doesn’t work. Anyway- that was my disclaimer about how sparingly I use my bronzer… so when I ran out I suddenly felt a little conflicted on whether or not I would purchase a new one. This Sweet Treat Bronzing Powder by stila was a spur-of-the-moment, it-caught-my-eye purchase at the cash register at ULTA. It is a great bronzer and is particularly perfect for my needs. It is a buildable bronzer that really compliments my peachy blush. My old bronzer- I had to be really careful to not get to much on my brush because it went on a lot stronger right off the bat. This one I feel like I have quite a bit more control how dark it comes across. It adds nice depth and color to my face that keeps me from looking a little… vampire-y (minus the over the top sparkle).
Hello March! I’m usually a huge winter gal- but these temperatures and all the craziness (did you hear about that 120 car pile up in Denver… yeah that’s right were I live) that has been going on all over the country as me majorly hankering spring. The snow melts here really quickly… and while it is gorgeous while everything is blanketed in white… everything is just kind of brown when it all disappears. I’m dying for some green and color!
I have free downloads for you per usual! Hope it adds a little green to your life! :D
There are three wallpaper options to choose from. The standard calendar, straight pattern, and a quote option. Download just one or all three- all you have to do is hit one of the share options to get access. :)
My hubby is home from his work trip (oh yeah he was gone this week). He came back from his little trip with a cold though. :( Oh and on Thursday I my ear completely clogged up and the doctor had to pretty much irrigate my ear out. Ugh. But I can hear again!!! :)
I received my first Julep Maven box this month! I’ll probably talk more about the actual box later… but the nail polish is pretty awesome so I wanted to review the nail polish specifically. When I took the style quiz to determine my ‘style’ for the box – Julep recommended the Classic with a Twist box so I received Zora (a pearly soft pink) and Myrtle (a deep oxblood red) in my box. :)
What is particularly awesome is the Julep nail polish does not contain formaldehyde, formaldehyde resin, toluene, or DBP (they call it 4-free). The polish went on smoothly and bubble free (even when I was painting with my non dominate hand which usually is super bubbly). Drying time was pretty standard. They lasted a little bit extra though- normally my regular polish chips off within a day- these polishes lasted around two days or more on average.
The polishes are very pricey though… which makes the maven box awesome (I’ll full out review it later after I have received a couple boxes). If you want to try it right now- you can order your first box for free (with the coupon code : FREECOLOR)! :)
I don’t like to think or talk about money. It makes me uncomfortable and can even trigger some major anxiety. It is something I am working really hard on- hence the reason I am posting about it (lol… I can’t tell you how many times I wrote and rewrote the first part of this post… it was really hard for me to start). I have no sad story or history relating to why I have such a hard time with budgeting and talking about money. I mean, I was not raised in a wealthy family- we did just fine though. And sure- I personally really struggled with the idea of all my college loans on top of all of my own expenses when I was in school and living on my own. That is not REALLY the true reason.
Not budgeting or planning or thinking about money is easy- its easier for me to just buy whatever I want whenever I want. Budgeting takes discipline and time and effort. It reminds me a little bit of working out and eating healthy- it is so much easier in the moment to just stay on the couch and order a pizza. It is so much easier for me to throw an item into my shopping cart just because I like it. But just like that pizza mixed with that couch… spending with no regard for a budget makes for some pretty hefty issues in the future (yes I am equating fat to massive credit card debt here… hopefully that doesn’t bother you).
My hubby and I would every once in a while talk about how much we were making and how much we needed for our necessities (shelter and food) and what we could spend on fun stuff (we lump our utilities in with shelter just so we are clear). Initially we didn’t really track our spending at all- and there was this constant back and forth of feeling like we had to ask each other if we could buy anything… mixed in with a lot of guilt when we just bought something without asking the other. We realized that wasn’t working at all… so we started using Mint (the app) which allowed us to set up a more solid budget and track our receipts via our phones. Honestly that only worked for a bit- because we were still just using our credit card and could just… keep spending no matter what the “budget” said. Hence the feeling of having to ask each other and then the guilt and hiding purchases… which sucked. The stress it would put on my anxiety and on our marriage was unnecessary and ridiculous.
Then we bought a house and my husband switched back to we-are-in-debt mode. I might talk more about that later… Quick explanation- my hubby has pretty unique views about debt. He is very smart and very savvy guy- he worked and made it through his own college degree without any debt. When he ‘inherited’ my college debt- he set up a system and plan that had my debts paid off two years after I had graduated. Our house mortgage is obviously quite a bit larger than my college debt was- so he has set up a little more intense system so that we pay it off efficiently (he stresses that… efficiently I guess is different then just paying it off ‘quickly’). I, in response though, started to dread all the more stress that his system would bring in. Read more…