This time last year I was talking about numbing and bravery. The year started out on a positive note- I did a pretty successful cleanse, I obstained from shopping for a month, and had high hopes. Then April 2016 rolls in and everything changed… hello unexpected changes in my life.
I don’t really want to review last year and think about whether or not I made my goals and stuck to my resolutions, but I do know I need to a little bit. Just a little bit. Just enough to then be able to focus more clearly on right now and tomorrow with clarity and resolve.
I was rereading my post that I wrote this time last year and marveling over how the events of the years halted my efforts and goals. It took me a while to get going again and refocus myself last year… it literally took months and months. To be completely honest with you I’m still in the recovery stage from last year. I felt a little embarrassed at the very end of last year (like… three weeks ago) when I was thinking about the fact that I feel like I’m essentially starting right back where I was this time last year.
When I kept looking at it from that perspective … it. was. crushing.
Do you ever feel that disappointment with yourself? How is it that I nearly stood still in all the areas I wanted to grow? How is it that I slipped back into my old habits so quickly.
Then enters my hubby- where he proves to be my hero. When he makes an offhand comment about something I’m doing better than I was last year- it made me stop and examine myself a little less critically. I have learned so much and grown in more subtle ways than I had yet to give myself credit.
I am not starting over.
As corny as it sounds- I am not starting over. I’m just starting this year from an entirely different place than I was starting last year. I have no doubt that this time next year I will be starting from a completely different place. I don’t know why I get it in my head that I will be perfect by the next year.
I will not be perfect. ever.
I have high hopes for growth and change this year. I think change is underrated- feared even. Staying in the same emotional and personal state gives me more anxiety- I don’t want to remain stagnant.
I do understand the general fear of change… the fear of the unknown. It is almost always uncomfortable. Sometimes it is even a little painful.
In my experience – when I look back the discomfort and pain always carry with it better things. Whether it is a genuinely positive experience (like a brand new home that you love) or a more humble and flexible attitude (like all the lessons I’ve learned from my painful health experiences).
This past year was difficult- but I wasn’t stagnant. In many ways… that’s all I can ask for this year as well.
This year my resolutions are simple. Push myself to embrace the discomfort and even the pain that comes with change. Embrace the discomfort of choosing healthier foods. Embrace the discomfort (and sometimes pain) of exercising. Embrace whatever discomfort or pain that this year brings that I can’t foresee right now.